Been a little busy this week, juggling life, schoolwork, and a nasty cold on top of that (I’m getting over it, thankfully!), so I wasn’t able to write a full-fledged essay or piece to post. It’s junk drawer time.
I started this ‘junk drawer’ concept a couple weeks ago because I have way too many unfinished writings (songs, essays, etc.), and also to stand as a reminder that it is okay to leave some writings unfinished. As a perfectionist, this drives me crazy, but at the same time, my ADHD doesn’t always allow me to finish everything I start. I figured a compromised way to satisfy both sides would be to compile some of my abandoned writings out of my ‘junk drawer’ every now and then. It helps me to refrain from placing too much pressure on myself to finish everything I start writing, and at the same time, provides me with material to publish on here for this little series.
Sometimes, just getting some words on a page is enough—because you can always return to it whenever you’re ready. They will always be there, regardless of whether you plan to finish writing it or not. Either way, it’s okay, because at least you wrote something.
july 30, 2022
You met someone. You were meant to be in each other’s lives. Repeat it to yourself nightly, maybe that’ll make it true. A mutual understanding that you need each other. You weren’t sure how you’d managed to go so long without. Friends, lovers, or something in between, it doesn’t matter. You’ll figure it out eventually—maybe not tomorrow or in ten years, but the fact of the matter is that they are a person whose presence you crave. What is this force? This unexplainable, irresistible pull? It draws you near, and you don’t know why or how, but you’re here and it feels right. Knowing they’re in your life and there to stay comforts you in a way you didn’t know existed. And it’s easy. Like puzzle pieces falling into place, like it was always meant to be this way, like no other possible outcome could have felt right except this one.
They say when you meet your twin flame, it’ll feel like you’d known them forever. I think he’s mine, and that’s exactly how it felt. How it feels. There was just something that made me want to keep going, to keep talking, keep writing, keep getting to know him. Something about his heart pulled mine in. I felt it despite the distance. In the moment, it didn’t matter—until it did. But then it didn’t again. Until it did, again. It’s a funny thing, trying to figure out whether or not romantic love is the answer.
My mother knows his name. All my friends know it, too. My brother teases me all the time that we’re in love, and maybe we are, but when there’s nothing you can do about it, what’s the point? It stings. It bleeds—through the page and out of my veins. It’s a different kind of hurt, a different sort of heartbreak that occurs when nobody’s at fault. When we can’t blame each other or even blame ourselves. When everything seems to be perfect except for that one thing.
september 6, 2023
Just when you think a story is over, it finds a way to pick itself up again. The truth is a funny thing. I always thought I knew what it felt like to be truly angry; to be betrayed, to be livid. To be disappointed. There aren’t words strong enough to describe how you feel when you’re in the moment of feeling it. Suddenly there are just none. I’ll find them someday. They’ll come to me.
september 30, 2023
As simple as it is, the word “breakup” has the power to transform the most beautiful of homes into a crime scene, open for investigation. The label “breakup” causes yellow caution tape to be applied around the borders, and it sends a message to everyone else that something is wrong. Even if no one was at fault, until there is a public announcement made saying so, people are going to think one of you is the villain. They are going to think: something bad happened here.
december 22, 2023
january 31, 2024
february 13, 2024
february 21, 2024
Just a gentle reminder that if they even liked you, it would be obvious. They would reply to your messages as quickly as possible, and you wouldn’t have to be worried about whether or not you’re being interesting enough. The right person wouldn’t stress you out like that. I always think to myself, they would never do this to me. They should bring a sense of warmth and comfort into your life, not anxiety. They should be the kind of person who wakes up everyday knowing how lucky they are to have you, and makes sure you know that they know it.
Not that their whole life needs to revolve around you, but you should be at a certain level of importance to them where they would be willing to rearrange some things in their life; willing to take risks and be momentarily uncomfortable if it also meant keeping you. If their everyday life looks the same whether you are in it or not, something is wrong. The right person should be irrevocably changed and affected by you.
such a clever idea!! I have so many thoughts and writings unfinished because of my adhd, as well. might use this as inspiration for finally getting those out there, thank you!
Thanks for sharing this! It's so easy to get the ADHD guilt over all the unfinished bits of writing!